I just had a very hard time spelling aluminum. I’m still not sure it’s right?! I literally sounded it out in my head at least 7 times and went back and re-typed it 3. Someone’s a genius!!!

Aluminum you ask? Well, that’s the anniversary I just celebrated with Mr. Wonderful. Apparently 10 years is the year of aluminum. Reynold’s Wrap for the win!

Anywho, 10 years – I can honestly say I never thought we’d make it! We’ve had some trying times in our relationship (I mean, before the obvious terminal cancer bit). Several times we were both done with each other for one reason or another. Most of them really meaningless. Some of them not as meaningless, but we fought, we battled to Seattle if you will (more than once), we did couple’s therapy, we did online seminars, I did therapy on my own. We put the time in, and you know what, we learned, we grew, and we made it fucking work! And I couldn’t be prouder of that. So, again, 10 years means a lot to us.

Now, another reason I didn’t think we’d make it to 10 years is that obvious terminal cancer bit. The one we were hit with last September. The one I was going to blog about on here, about our journey, our feelings, every little detail you didn’t care to know! Surprise! I didn’t do it, couldn’t find the time, couldn’t find the motivation, couldn’t find the want to! (I know that no one is really shocked by this!) But, when we were told 8-12 months last September, I didn’t know if we would see the year of aluminum. That’s a hard thing to admit. But, we did make it, and we tried to make it extra special. Mr. Wonderful and I had an adventure in Durango, CO.

We used to live in Durango for a short time in our lives, before the dog, before the marriage, before the kids and houses and responsibilities and you get where I’m going. Back when we were young, dumb and in love. We spent about a year in Colorado and Mr. Wonderful has been itching to get back to Durango since we left. And it was even more gorgeous than I remember it, but I tell ya, it made me realize how lucky I am to live where I live, surrounded by the people I love! Man, am I sappy today!

The adventure we had hoped to have wasn’t quite the way we thought it would go. Cancer will do that to you. Most of our every day lives we are surrounded by kids, family, friends, chores, beach time, pool time, so many things that keep us distracted. Mr. Wonderful and I don’t really think about the future, how uncertain it is, what it will look like, we stay busy, which makes it easy to forget that he has terminal cancer. I mean, we’re not daft, we know it’s there, we know what it means, I just mean that we don’t let it affect us every day because we don’t have time to think about it.

Well, go on vacation without the children was our brilliant plan! And it was brilliant. It was just also really, really sad and really, really quiet. Without all the distractions, we did have time to think, reflect, look back and look forward. I cried more last week than I probably have in the last 6 months. I could not get my shit together. And I think that’s probably ok. I hold it together pretty well generally. Just the quiet – Mr. Wonderful and I have lost our ability to carry on a conversation about nothing, we small talk no more. We can go and have a good time but there is constantly a black cloud hanging over our heads. I cried at most of our meals, making all the people around us feel super awkward. If one of us wasn’t crying, our eyes were just darting around the room, watching other people. Again – hello awkward couple – I thought we had at least 20 more years before that phase set it. The cancer, the treatment, both have really taken it out of Mr. Wonderful. Our hikes were short, our naps were long. And that is all wonderful, except for I know what it means, I know what’s coming. And I don’t know how to handle it.