Category: sarcasm

Glamp it up up up!

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Raise your hand if you’ve missed me!! We’ve been busy. I’ve been cooking but I’m keeping it all to myself! Kidding. Kidding. I would never keep all this queen of the kitchen status I’ve got going on to myself. That would just be unfair. Ya heard?! (I don’t know why I do these things. Weird is as weird does I guess!!)

So. Glamping. Do you do it? Because you should. What’s that saying? Want to hate America, watch the news. Want to love America, go glamping. (Yes, I know it’s camping but Mama don’t sleep on the ground or without a fan!) We went glamping at an oceanfront KOA a couple weeks ago with a couple of other families (6 adults and 7 MALE children! Yikes!) and had an amazing time! There was the pool, the beach, the playground, the giant bouncy thingy (its official name obviously), the game room, the grilling, the fire, the smores, the laughter, the playing, the drinking, the eating and just generally the being merry. I’m telling y’all, it felt magical! We rented a “rustic” one room cabin (I like it when rustic means a/c AND a fan) that included a full size bed and bunk beds. Pretty durn perfect for a family of 4! Get out there and glamp y’all! Promise you won’t regret it. (I wonder if the KOA wants to pay me for all this awesome promoting and marketing I’m dishing out for them?!)

Anywho, cooking. I’ve tried 2 new recipes already this week and both were absolutely delicious! The first was a chicken and veggie teriyaki pasta and the other was beef and bean taquitos (which were a little more involved than mama likes but oh so yummy)!  

First up the One Pot Teriyaki Chicken and Noodles (don’t be fooled, there’s not one drop of teriyaki in this dish. Go figure)

Ingredients:

2 tbsp oil

2 chicken breasts cut into chunks (I seasoned ’em with salt n pepa…the spices. Just to clarify)

1 cup shredded carrots

1 cup snap peas

1 chopped bell pepper (I used yellow coz it’s the 6 year olds favorite color therefore he will eat it. Coz 6 year olds)

1/2 cup soy sauce (I used reduced sodium)

2.5 cups chicken broth

1 box pronto half cut spaghetti (or, ya know, just break that shit yourself if you’re not as lazy as me)

1/4 cup honey (this was very disturbing to the 6 yr old)

2 tsp garlic (I used minced since the recipe didn’t specify)

1 tsp fresh ginger

1 tbsp white vinegar 

2-3 sliced green onions (this is optional. We opted in and don’t regret it! 😜)

Directions:

1. Heat oil in large skillet (I used a large pot! Shhh! Don’t tell) over medium high heat. Add chicken, season with salt and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until browned. 

2. Add the carrots, peas and peppers and cook for 2 to 3 minutes until tender crisp (whatever that means)

3. Add the soy sauce, chicken broth, honey, garlic, ginger and vinegar and stir until combined. Stir in the noodles.

4. Bring back to a simmer over medium heat and cook, stirring occasionally, for about 10 minutes until Al dente (that’s fancy for not quite done, in mamas opinion anyway! Mama likes her noodles soft. Not in all things of course! Gross.)

In the future, I think I will add water chestnuts to this recipe. I missed the crunch that I like so much. Here’s what the finished product look like. Mama remembered to take a picture. Score!


As for the beef and bean taquitos, you’ll have to tune in tomorrow for that recipe. Or whenever I do it. Because we know mama aint so good at this.  For some reason my computer has malfunctioned and I’ve had to do all of this on my iPhone and I’m done now. I cannot type on this thing any longer! 😱 

So stay tuned friends. I’ll be back…xoxo

Once a cheater, always a cheater

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Is this true? I don’t know. But I’m not talking about the bad kind of cheating where you want to rip your spouse’s nads off for putting his tool in another chamber so to speak. I’m talking about cheating at making dinner. Coz as we all know, this mama loves a good dinner cheat! (Not a spousal cheat, this mama doesn’t love that! Duh!)

Anywho, on with the cheating. Hubby grilled steaks the other night. And they weren’t just any steaks. They were NY Strips about 3 inches thick. That’s a lot of beef for two people. Now, I don’t know about you, but reheating a steak and eating as a steak is not so good. I do not enjoy it. I find it a bit on the nasty side (no offence if you like it, to each her own and all that jazz). So, what does one do with a leftover slab of beef? I’ll tell you. You make steak quesadillas. That’s what you do. They’re easy. They’re delicious. They’re cheap. And did I mention they’re easy?!

I made these easy, delicious, cheap and easy cheater quesadillas last night. Everybody loved them and we didn’t waste all that delicious beef (coz it’s what’s for dinner!). All I did was cut up the remaining steak into little cubes/squares/whatever; throw it in a hot frying pan, cover with salsa (I used Pace thick and chunky coz I like my salsa like I like my body!!!!!); get it all nice and warm. Meanwhile, I have a big ole skillet I’m heating on medium-high heat. The trick with quesadillas, if you don’t have a quesadilla maker (which, what a waste of money, again in my opinion, which as we know are like assholes, moving on) is to make sure your pan is nice and hot before you put the quesadilla on it. So meat’s simmering in salsa, skillet is heating up…I like to use the big ole burrito sized flour tortillas, lay it on the counter, cover half with shredded cheese of your choosing (I used the 4 cheese Mexican blend, reduced fat, coz I really don’t like being thick and chunky…), cover the cheese with the meat, then added some shredded cheddar on top of the meat (coz, fuck it, maybe I’m meant to be thick and chunky) and really, you want your quesadilla a. cheesy and 2. to stay sealed/together/whathaveyou. So fill it with your ingredients (I like to sometimes add spinach, black beans rice and/or corn but mama didn’t have these supplies on hand so just simplicity last night), spray  your super hot skillet with cooking spray and cook quesadillas on each side until browned and crisp. Last night I served them with a side of pinto beans and called it good.

Yummy stuff y’all! Great way to use any kind of leftover meat, really. It’s hard to go wrong with a Mexican dish in my opinion.

So, today is my 7 years of marital bliss with the hubby day. And of course, this mama ain’t cooking! I’m going to feed the kids early, put them to bed early and hubby is going to bring home some takeout and we’re going to eat child free, which is always a treat. This is actually the first year ever we haven’t gone on an actual date on our anniversary but hubby has to work late and I’ve used a lot of babysitting (ie my parents) lately and feel like they probably need a break! So, late night date night at home it is!

Until next time friends….xoxo

steak quesadilla

Ranchers gotta ranch

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No, I’m not a rancher but I do love ranch dressing. For real. I’m one of those people that wait staff hate because I ask for ranch dressing on the side for pretty much everything. (I’m certain this little addiction has NOTHING to do with the size of my ass. And thighs. And belly. And, you know what, just mind your own damn business!)

So why all the talk about ranch you ask? Coz last night I managed to make dinner. Ranch chicken, which I’ll share that so easy my 19 month old could do it recipe with you in just a bit. But first I want to talk about earth day. Why you ask? Because my kindergartener had an earth day party today.

Yes folks. An earth day party. Apparently that’s a thing in kindergarten in these parts. Now, I’ve heard of planting a tree at school, or cleaning up the nature trail or doing something actually earthy in nature for earth. But never, in my almost 34 years, have a seen anyone throw an actual earth day party. First time for everything I guess.  (Side note, I just got up to blow my nose in the middle of a sentence because mama’s got a nasty cold and completely forgot where I was going with this. Yay me. Awesome as usual!) Anyway, I was in charge of the drinks. So I brought in a big jug of red dye no 4. You’re welcome parents. Happy to  make you so happy!!! The kids got some pretzel sticks, chocolate pudding and gummy worms. Oh and 1 strawberry each. What the hell any of that had to do with earth day is beyond me. But it got me thinking. Maybe I should have an earth day celebration. Everybody bring a  plant for my garden (and plant that shit too – I hate yard work) and I’ll provide  you with an earthy mojito or 6 (earthy because of the mint, which is a plant, which is earthy – we’ve come full circle). Who wants to come? I think it could be fun. (Of course, I’ll have to keep having them every week so that y’all can maintain the plants that you’ve planted. Otherwise they gonna get sick and die. Coz mama’s thumb ain’t even close to green!) RSVP in the comments below. I’m thinking Saturday afternoon!

So, ranch chicken. Super easy. Super tasty. Super super super kid friendly. I served it last night with green beans, biscuits and rice. So here goes:

Ingredients: (this is another one of those meals where I’m just winging)

thin sliced chicken breasts (if you can’t find them, you could just pound out (oh yeah!) regular chicken breast but you know this mama ain’t got the time or want for that)

Hidden valley ranch dressing (this is very important – you want this particular brand for the nice tang it provides)

Italian style bread crumbs (I use regular and panko cause I like that little crunch the panko provides)

Directions:

Fully coat the chicken boobies (that’s slang for breasts) in ranch dressing followed by the bread crumbs. Bake on 350 for 25-30 minutes (depending on how thick your meat  is – I could go so many places with that but I’ll spare you!!). That’s it y’all. It’s tasty. It’s easy. It’s a winner.

Now, if you yourself are the ranch enthusiasts that we in this family are, then please know that I also make a batch of homemade ranch and use it to dip the chicken in. Coz that’s how we roll (literally coz our asses are so big from all the ranch consumption!!) Kidding.

Tonight I’m cheating yet again. Move over Sandra Lee. There’s a new barely homemade girl in town!! I like the Harris Teeter pre-made turkey meatballs. Throw them in with some good marinara, put on a toasted hoagie, melt cheese on top – voila meatball subs!

Next week I’m starting a 10 day shred to lose some of this ranch dressing off all my wobbly bits! This entails no gluten, no dairy, no caffeine, no alcohol, no patience, no happiness. I’ll keep you posted on that progress. Hopefully the children survive. The hubby probably won’t!!!!!

Y’all take it easy. RSVP to the earth day party. And each subsequent week! Haha!!! xoxo

One more thing…if anybody wants to buy me a new computer, I’ll gladly accept it. I’d prefer a mac desktop with the big screen. This laptop I got now is a  piece of shit! I inadvertently deleted this blog post TWICE people and had to rewrite it. So I was probably way smarter and cleverer 2 times ago!!

 

 

I’m not always serious but when I am it’s because my dad is in ICU

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Life is nothing but an emotional roller coaster. My dad is in the ICU with acute kidney failure. Those are scary words. The scariest part is nobody has figured out why yet. They’re thinking some kind of infection in the body, but are still guessing and eliminating at this point. He will have an MRI with contrast today that will hopefully point someone in the right direction. 

My dad is a great man. He is the greatest grandfather my boys could ever possibly have. And they are both so attached to him that I can’t even think about how they would manage without him, let alone my mom, my brother and me. I have put up walls all around myself so that I can’t think about the worst case scenario. Because if I do, this mama/daughter/wife/sister/friend will turn into an emotional wreck and that’s not good for anybody. The few times I have let myself imagine life without him, I have truly lost my shit. 

I’m a lucky girl in that death hasn’t  touched me a whole lot in my 33 years. I lost my grandmother a few years ago to cancer and the pain was almost unmanageable at times and that time my children weren’t affected. Jack was less than 2 and had only met her a handful of times. For my boys, I am staying positive, I am keeping my shit together, I am smiling and laughing and cracking jokes and playing trucks and whistling the Star Wars theme music. But inside of me there is a deep fear that I’m trying like hell to avoid because if I don’t, I fear the pain will be more than I can handle. 

So, I’m sorry friends. No recipes today. No quirky jokes or dirty innuendo. Just a scared girl trying to get by. Hug your loved ones tight and never let them forget how much they mean to you. xoxo

Slack-a-her (in my best Ace Ventura voice)

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Hey friends! Remember me? Whew – life has been a bit hectic lately. We just finished up basketball with the 6 year old on Saturday and baseball started yesterday. And I’m talking real baseball. No more tee. No more 45 minute “practice”. Real deal hour and a half long practice, hitting a pitched (well, off a pitching machine) ball and playing actual positions. And boy  does that ball come quick. I was shocked. Jack struggled of course. It’s hard to go from a tee where the ball is right there just waiting to be hit, to an actual live ball. He had no idea when to swing, he was always about 5 seconds too late. Poor buddy! He’ll get the hang of it though. I come from a long line of baseball players so I have faith that Jack will figure this out.

I did manage to crank out some meals the last few days. I think we left off on Saturday when Mr. Wonderful was grilling steak. We bought some big a$$ porterhouses that cost an arm and a leg and hubby grilled them to medium rare perfection. We all stuffed ourselves on beef, roasted asparagus and oven roasted potatoes. It was a magical night of eating. But, of course, the magic couldn’t last. Since we splurged so much Saturday night, hubby insisted we have leftovers Sunday night. Only issue (a little bit more than minor in my opinion) was that there was only meatloaf leftover. And only enough for 1 person. And guess who the 1 person was that got the meatloaf (hint: it wasn’t me (or Shaggy) – oh dear, I’m showing my age). If you guessed the man that insisted we have leftovers for dinner, ding, ding, ding, you win. There’s no prize other than knowing that you were right, but congratulations anyway! So, the poor kids got frozen chicken nuggets (calm down, I didn’t make them eat them frozen – I nuked ’em like any self-respectable mom would do – I can’t wait to get my “Mom” blue ribbon that I know will be coming for all this amazing momming I’m constantly doing) and peas and carrots. So that left me with nothing to eat. I did steal a couple bites of the meatloaf (still delicious) and then heated myself some cheese ravioli. It was a crap night of food.

But I redeemed myself Monday. I made a one pot chicken alfredo with roasted broccoli (yes we just had that, but I’m pretty certain no one ever od’d on broccoli) and Italian bread. It was tasty! Jack liked to so much he had seconds (and then had it again last night because last night’s dinner was too spicy for him he claimed and I didn’t  feel like arguing and sometimes you just have to do what’s easy (not too often though), especially when your husband is at class all night and you’ve just come from real baseball practice where you chased a 17 month old around nearly the entire time because of course the field is right on the highway (helllooooo run on sentence) and even though you dropped him with your inlaws so you could watch practice in peace he was brought back after 20 minutes). Whew! I’m getting ahead of myself. Back to Monday night – one pot chicken alfredo. Easy! Delicious! Not altogether healthy! Easier clean up because, hello, one pot! (I loathe doing dishes but never relinquish control of the kitchen because I’m crazy that way). Anywho…here’s the recipe

Ingredients:

2 boneless skinless chicken breasts (cut into chunks)

salt & pepper (not to be confused with Salt & Peppa)

1 1/2 tsp minced garlic (I used closer to 2 tsp)

1 1/2 cups chicken stock

1 cup heavy cream (I used more and will tell you why in a bit)

1 fresh basil sprig (I used 2)

1/2 lb uncooked pasta

Olive oil (a couple tbsps)

2 cups grated parmesan

Directions:

Season chicken with salt and pepper. I also seasoned mine with basil. Brown chicken in olive oil on medium high heat (don’t do it too long, the chicken continues to cook the whole time so you don’t want to dry it out). Add garlic and saute until fragrant. Add chicken stock, cream and uncooked pasta. Stir to combine. Add basil sprig(s); bring to a boil then cover and reduce  to a simmer. Simmer 15-20 min or until pasta is tender. Remove sprig; mix in parmesan cheese. Now, 2 cups of parmesan cheese is a lot. I suggest either cutting back on the cheese or make sure you add more heavy cream after you mix in the cheese. My pasta go super dried out after I added the cheese but after I added more cream (or milk would work too) it moistened right back up and tasted yummy to my tummy!

Yesterday we had baseball practice so I made a stacked enchilada dinner in the crockpot. Hubby and I loved it. Colt loved it. And as I said earlier Jack thought it “doesn’t taste bad but is too spicy”. I’ll share that recipe with you tomorrow coz I gotta go get my yoga on before Thing 1 gets home and Thing 2 wakes up. Until then…xoxo

PS – This afternoon we have a play date at the beach and hubby has class so I won’t be cooking tonight. Yay me!!!!

  
Look! A picture! Not a good one but beggars can’t be choosers, eh?!

Meatloaf! Beatloaf! I hate meatloaf!

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Ok, that’s not true at all. I freaking love meatloaf. You know what I do hate though? That it’s called meatloaf. Who’s with me? For something so delicious, it sure does have an awful name. Meatloaf. Meatloaf. Meatloaf. I think I’ll start a campaign to change the name of meatloaf. What could we call it? Meat log? Gross! Beef log? Even worse? How about beef Remington? Let’s really posh it up here. Let’s give meatloaf the name it deserves! Because it is tasty. But nobody comes running to the table when you say “the meatloaf is ready”.  Wouldn’t it sound much better if we said “the beef Remington is ready”? I like it. Any suggestions are welcome!

You probably guessed it. I cooked on a Friday. Again. But I didn’t cook Thursday. We went out to eat with some friends. 4 adults and 4 children. 6 and under. Whew! That’ll fill up your wine glass/pint glass/highball glass in a hurry (mine was a wine glass, as it normally is – Pinot Noir if you must know – also, it was the first wine I’ve had since I ruined Valentines Day and I kept it down and it tasted delicious. Score!!). It was fun though. A little old lady (who had been hitting the high ball glass all day  me thinks) got seated next to us, looked at us, immediately flagged down a waitress and demanded to be moved somewhere “without all this; without all these -ugh- kids”. I wonder if that lady knows she too was a kid one day (long, long, long ago) and that kids are actually what make everything great in this world – their innocence, their humor, their delight, just everything about kids is pretty freaking awe-some! And at one point, we were all kids. And our kids weren’t even being disruptive. They occasionally get a little louder than they possibly should have, but the restaurant was already loud so who gives a shit! It’s not like we were dining at a fancy five star joint. Whatever. I hope she enjoyed her meal in the absolutely no where quiet part of the restaurant. And I really hope she wasn’t driving. And I really really hope she doesn’t have any grandchildren herself coz yikes! Ok, that was mean, but really, sometimes, the truth hurts.

Back to the point – I cooked last night. If you guessed beef Remington (I’m loving the name change already) then you are absolutely correct and pretty clever, too I might add. Now normally, I cheat when it comes to beef Remington. I usually use the McCormick’s packet and call it good but last night I actually made my own beef Remington (just FYI, I just typed meatloaf and had to go back and fix it – whew! Change is hard but so worth it!!!). And y’all, let me tell you, it was damn good. I’m so excited about it. The packet is so chuck-a-buck full of sodium that I’m quite happy to have an actual recipe that I love!! I did forget to take a picture, yet again, but I’m sure none of you are shocked. Now, I found the recipe online – and I’ll give it to you exactly like I found it – but I actually tweaked it some for my family’s taste and I’ll share my tweaks with you too. It was good stuff. Everybody cleared their plate much to the dog’s dismay!

Ingredients:

2 lbs lean ground beef (I used 1 1/2 pounds)

1 cup soft bread crumbs

1 beaten egg

1/2 cup ketchup

1 tsp minced garlic

2 tsp salt (I only used 1 tsp – 2 seemed like way too much)

dash of pepper (I used about 1 tsp – we like pepper)

1 medium finely chopped onion (I used a small shallot coz it’s all mama had!)

1 tbsp. horseradish (I did about 2 tsp, again, coz it’s all mama had)

The recipe didn’t call for this but I also added a couple shakes of Worcestershire because, quite frankly, ground beef and Worcestershire go together even better than peas and carrots. Take that Jenny and Forrest!!!

Directions:

Thoroughly mix all ingredients and shape in loaf (or a Remington!!) pan. It suggested covering with ketchup but I don’t love ketchup all that much so I’ve always used 1 can of tomato soup on my meatloaf (and it’s damn good, if you like tomato soup!). Bake 1 hour at 350. I baked mine for about an hour and 20 minutes and it came out as close to perfect as beef Remington can get.

I served this with mashed potatoes (duh! – 5 peeled and cooked yellow potatoes, mixed (on low) with whole milk, butter, pepper and seasoned salt), roasted broccoli and biscuits. Heaven. And yesterday was such a nasty day here, it was the perfect rainy, cold weather meal. If you try nothing else that I post up here y’all, you NEED to try this one!!! Easy, delicious and worth every calorie!!

Tonight Mr. Wonderful is grilling porterhouse steaks. We’ll be serving those up with roasted asparagus and grilled potatoes. Yum! Yum! Tis the weekend of beef! There could be worse things in the world!!! xoxo

Batter up!

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It’s a weird week. Mr. Wonderful is in real estate school (he spends hours a day studying as well so my mom is convinced he’s going to “graduate” as valedictorian!!!). Jack had basketball practice last night and then we ate dinner with my parents (score!). He has a basketball game tonight at 6:30 (what?! that’s way too late!!!!) so the cooking won’t be good. Tonight I am putting one of those pre-seasoned Smithfield pork loins in the oven and calling it dinner. It’s not gourmet but it’s better than going hungry. Sometimes you just gotta do what’s easy. Although, y’all are getting to know me well enough through this fantastic (ahem!) blog so you should know I always do what’s easiest!

Next week Jack starts real baseball (as opposed to fake baseball!). His last basketball game is Saturday and his first baseball practice is Tuesday. At 3:30. 20 minutes up the road. And he gets off the bus at 3 pm. And the baby is still asleep at 3 pm most days. So that ought to be interesting. I’ll keep you posted on how that cluster-you-know-what turns out. I’m looking forward to baseball season though. It’s definitely my favorite! And not to brag or anything, but Jack is pretty damn good at baseball. It’s just one of those things that he took to right away and it’s so fun to watch! This will be the first year off the tee so it’s gonna be a fun one folks! And my childhood best friend’s (whose mom’s pizza recipe I’m going to share with you) son is on the same team as my son so that’s pretty exciting too! It’s going to be a fun season.

“Best friends” are a funny thing. I actually find it kind of offensive. Other than my mom and my husband, I can’t say that any of my friends are my best friends or my worst friends. I love them all. They’re all unique and beautiful and fun. They’re all the best. I understand the varying degrees of closeness, and I get that time is a factor in having a “best” friend but, I don’t know, I’m just not on board with “best” friends in adulthood. I’m probably the odd girl out but that’s usually the case with me anyway. I’d love anybody’s feedback that wants to jump in and tell me their thoughts. This was a random tangent and quite irrelevant to anything I’ve been talking about but it’s my blog and I can do what I want. Nanny nanny boo boo!

Anywho, on to the pizza. I used to love it when my friend would have me spend the night on homemade pizza night. It was just the best. It brings back some great memories. So when I had to become all adult like, I asked her to provide me with the recipe and she very kindly did. So here goes:

Ingredients

1 lb ground beef (I use the extra lean)

1 can tomato sauce

1 skinny can tomato paste

1 tsp minced garlic

1 tbsp. oregano

8 oz shredded cheddar

pizza crust (I use Boboli thin crust)

pizza toppings of your choosing (we just did pepperoni the other night – we have a hard time agreeing on pizza toppings)

shredded mozzarella

olive oil

garlic powder to taste

Directions:

Brown hamburger and drain fat. Add tomato sauce, paste, garlic and oregano and let simmer 10-15 minutes. Mix in shredded cheddar and blend until melted.

Drizzle olive oil on pizza crust and sprinkle with garlic powder. (I like to use one of those kitchen paintbrush thingies (definitely the technical name there) and spread it all evenly. Then spread sauce on the pizza crust/dough, top how you please, sprinkle with shredded mozzarella (or whatever your preference is – I had to use 4 slices of mozzarella and some shredded cheddar the other night coz mama sucks at making lists when grocery shopping) and then bake according to the pizza crust package directions (mine was 8-10 minutes on 450)

The sauce makes enough for about 2 pizzas and since it’s just the 4 of us, one pizza is plenty. Can you guess where this is going?! Yep!!!! I freeze the remainder so that I have a quick, easy meal down the road! It’s just my favorite thing in all the world to have a freezer full of premade meals!!!

I don’t know what I’m cooking the rest of the week. There was talk of going out to eat Thursday night but we shall see. And then you know what happens (or doesn’t happen as the case may be) on Fridays. So, until I get my ass in the kitchen again…xoxo

PS Of course I forgot to take a picture. It looked like damn good pizza. Use your imagination!

Kellie is my name, slacking is my game

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I don’t know where the time goes! As predicted, by me, I forgot to post on Friday. I can’t think of anything that I did on Friday that prevented me from posting so my only excuse is that I’m a slacker! Perhaps I can find a support group to help me get over my slacking ways. Isn’t the first step admitting you have a problem?!

The weekend was a good one. I managed to cook not one bit! I’m probably the worst food/recipe blogger in the history of blogging!! Everybody’s gotta be something right?! I did already warn you that I don’t like to cook on Fridays. Hubby got takeout from our favorite restaurant (Kill Devil Grill if you must know) and it was dang good. We went with all apps – cheesesteak egg rolls, chicken wings and the best spinach artichoke dip known to mankind! We topped that off with a hunkin’ slice of key lime pie and then binge watched The Walking Dead. Yes, it was a fantastic evening thank you very much! 

Saturday night I had “book club” which should possibly change its name to “booze club” but that’s neither here nor there! We do actually pick out a book every month and sometimes the book even gets read!! And that’s just success at its finest! I played cards against humanity for the first time and I could have played until every card had been laid down. As a gutter minded girl (at all highly inappropriate times) it was right up my alley! Can we say k-l-a-s-s-y????

Sunday night I made hubby grill brats and I served a very gourmet veggie tray, chips and dip! See how well I did at avoiding cooking?! Take notes, y’all! I’m a professional!!!

I did make those most delicious chicken enchiladas last Thursday though and damn were they f***ing delicious. I mean slap yo mama good (what the hell does that one mean? I would never slap my mama – woman would kick my ass!!). Here are the specs on Quag’s chicken enchiladas (this is another one of my favs because I can make it during nap time AND it’s makes so much, I can freeze another meals worth! Woo hoo!! The sauce I always make fresh, though and I don’t freeze it. That’s just me. You do what makes you happy!)

Ingredients:

Cooked and shredded chicken (I do 2 large breasts (hey yo!) in chicken broth and water and then use the food processor to chop it up – it’s a great time saver)

1/8 cup sautéed onions (I don’t measure that shit – you be the judge)

1 block cream cheese, softened 

1 tsp minced garlic

Cheddar cheese (as much or as little as you like – I do about 4 oz)

Mexican blend shredded cheese

Corn tortillas – heated (wrap ’em in a wet papertowel and microwave about 30 seconds – the recipe calls for frying them but mama ain’t doin all that!)

Sauce:

1 cup heavy cream

1/4 cup sour cream

Salt and pepper to taste

1 tbsp corn starch (mixed with 1/4 cup cold water)

Directions:

Cook chicken and dice, slice, shred, cut that bird up! Mix chicken, onions, garlic, and cream cheese. Then add cheddar cheese and mix together. Spoon mixture into corn tortillas and place in greased baking dish seam down. 

Sauce:

Bring cream and sour cream to a boil. Reduce heat. Slowly stir in corn starch/water mixture to thicken sauce. Add salt and pepper. 

Top enchiladas with the cream sauce, sprinkle with Mexican blend cheese and bake 15-20 minutes on 400. 

Y’all, they don’t sound like much but they are so good! Mr. Wonderful likes to top his with salsa verde (that’s green salsa for those not as fluent in Spanish as me! Ha!) and sliced jalapeños. I like mine just the way they are and the boys love ’em too!! I served it with refried beans and Mexican rice. Yummy to my tummy!!!!

  
Tonight I’m making semi-homemade pizza (semi coz y’all know mama ain’t makin her own dough when Boboli does a way better job than I ever could)! It’s a recipe like got from my childhood best friend’s mom and it just brings back so many great memories! I’ll share more on it tomorrow or whenever I remember!! xoxo

Fever! Fever all through the night!

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Not really. Well, it could have been all through the night but it’s all gone today! Woo hoo! I’m talking about  Colt of course. I did take him to the doctor yesterday (go me!) and the doctor actually broke out his text book and was all like “I think it’s this!”. The “this” is called roseola and it affects 90% of children between the ages of 6 months and 2 years of age. It’s apparently caused by the herpes virus – types 6 and 7 – (ew) and presents as a high fever for 3-5 days and then a rash (that does not itch) that breaks out on the “trunk” of the child once the fever is gone. We are moving into rash territory today folks! The little red bumps are popping up all on that boys trunk. But he’s quite happy today and we even managed to play outside for a bit this morning. Until he fell in the dirt, looked at his hands, realized they were dirty, threw a bloody fit and we went back inside. Such a charming child!!

Last night, as you may recall, I made crock pot pork tenderloin. I find cooking meat in the crockpot to be tricky. In my experience, if you don’t get the timing exactly right, the meat turns to dust in your mouth. It’s like out of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation when they cut open the turkey and it all shrivels up and then they either to pretend to eat it or have to wash it down with copious amounts of water. The pork wasn’t quite that bad but I didn’t find it that good either. My husband liked it. Jack liked the meat, not so much the potatoes and Colt hated it. Although, he hated pretty much everything yesterday so I’m not sure we can trust his opinion. I thought it was edible but nothing I’m dying to eat again. I’ll share the deets with you and you can be the judge. Maybe you know exactly how long to cook pork in the crock pot and yours will turn out amazingly well. If so, hook a sista up with some tips, would ya?!

Ingredients:

2 lb pork tenderloin

1/4 cup soy sauce

2 tbsp. yellow mustard

2 tbsp. olive oil

3 tbsp. maple syrup (seriously! not joking at all)

1 chopped shallot

1 tsp onion powder

1 1/2 tsp garlic powder

Directions:

Put tenderloin in the crockpot (yes, you must put it in there, it will not cook otherwise!!!!). Mix the rest of the ingredients and pour over tenderloin. Cook on low for 6 hours. Flip the tenderloin at 2 and 4 hours for even cooking.

I also cut up some baby red potatoes and threw them in for the last 2 hours. They were actually quite good so I think if I can cook the tenderloin for the appropriate amount of time, this meal will be a tasty one that’s entered into the rotation. We shall see.

I obviously forgot to take pictures yet again (I’m soooo good at this!) but it was none too pretty anyway so you’re welcome!

Tonight I’m making one of my favorite meals of all time. The recipe is actually from a restaurant in the area that shut down several years ago and I was lucky enough to have my dad that knew a cook there and shared it with us! So on tonight’s menu – Quag’s chicken enchiladas, refried beans and Spanish rice. I’ll share all the yumminess with you tomorrow. Probably. If I remember. Until then, stay hungry my friends (ala the most interesting man alive but with hunger, not thirst)! xoxo

How to ruin Valentine’s Day

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Hello friends. Sorry it’s taken me a while to return. Although, to be fair, I did say that I wouldn’t be returning all weekend. Unfortunately, it wasn’t for the amorous, romantic reasons I had hoped. To be fair, we did get in the couples massage, an afternoon nap and probably one of the best dinners I’ve ever had in my life. And just before the dessert arrived, I started feeling a little rumble in my tumble, if you know what I mean. And if  you don’t, I felt like upchucking the glorious meal I just consumed. Mr. Wonderful looked at me, said do you need some air, I said of course not, I’m fine, actually I’m going to go back to the room, see you later.

So, I make my smooth get away, all balanced on my heels and holding back the chunks. I have to ask how the hell to get out of the damn restaurant since I can’t find the damn door on my own. I step outside to the glorious, frigid night air; I round the corner, finding a quiet spot so as not to disturb anyone with the nastiness that I know is coming, and then I relieve myself of $75 worth of dinner and $30 worth of wine. Not my finest moment, especially when I look up and realize I just puked in front of a panaromic window full of diners trying to enjoy they’re ridiculously delicious (not to mention expensive) meal. Yikes to me.  I then sauntered off as if nothing ever happened and there was absolutely nothing to see. Because, quite frankly, what else was I going to do. Perhaps a bow, a tip of my metaphoric hat? No chance. Wasn’t happening.

So, I get back to my gorgeous room with ocean views, change into my fat girl pajamas, lie down on the bed and wait for my husband to return, which he does, accusing me of drinking way too much and throwing my Valentine’s meal down the drain. No honey, not down the drain, in the bushes, in front of a huge window, at a super classy restaurant. Get your damn story straight. And at first, I agreed with him. I must have drank/drunken/drunk (what the hell is the appropriate word, I have no idea! Sorry, Mr. Ervin, in case you ever read this again! I know you taught me better than this!!!) too much wine and my body was just rejecting all the rich food. Until after an hour of sleep, I was up again, same story, different venue. And another 45 minutes after that. And so on and so on for the next 10 or so hours and 9 rounds of vomit later. And it wasn’t just coming out of that end either but you don’t need to know about that just like you don’t need to know that it’s still happening. What, aren’t we all friends here?!

And that my friends, is how to ruin Valentine’s day! Now, I know I promised you all the deets on the pot roast I made on Friday and I will share it with you. Just not yet. The belly is still too delicate to think about that. Plus, I can’t find what I did with the damn recipe. It did turn out well, if you like pot roast (not really my favorite) but my husband loved it and the kids tolerated it. So, once I find it, I promise to share (for those that care and for those that don’t, f*%& you! (Just kidding))!

I will also be trying a new recipe tonight that I got from my wonderful friend Emily (hi, Emily – I assume you’re reading this, if not don’t tell me, I’ll live in my own little fantasy world and pretend you are!!). It’s called poppyseed chicken and I’m pretty excited about it.

I’ll be back friends (ala the Terminator – but not as Austrian or big or scary or political). Until then, order takeout or follow someone’s blog who cooks way better than me! xoxo