Category: friendship

Dear Mike Trout…

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I will preface this by saying that the contents of this post are intended to be funny. I, in no way shape, or form believe the Mike Trout is going to move into my home and raise my children with me (obviously we would move into his house, he has a career to finish after all). Or any of the other people on this rather hilarious list. I am nothing if not honest, though, so do with it what you will. I will also say that I am 37 years old, and while I will mourn the loss of my husband for the rest of my life, I also do not intend, nor did he intend for me, to spend the rest of my life alone. So there.

As you know, my children have asked me for a new dad. I have explained to them that there is no dad store and that it will take time, patience and actual love for that to happen (all of which none of us are good at, well, we’re probably good at love I would assume. We love each other without issue, so I’ll claim that as a positive attribute in our favor.) Colt mainly copies what Jack says, but I do believe that he longs for a. his dad but since that’s not possible 2. a male figure in our home daily that will also play endless legos with him (I am not the parent that is good at playing with her children (unless it’s a sport in which I can dominate), that was always Ash’s territory. I’m more the clean your shit up, put your shit away, don’t talk back to me disciplinary bad ass of the home).

Jack, however, can’t seem to leave the subject alone. We had some time together, just the 2 of us (a very rare thing) one day last week and he really opened up to me in his sweet, innocent 10 year old boy way. He did request, again, a new dad. I explained, again, how we need time to grieve, heal and you know, meet someone that we love and loves us back, blah, blah, blah. (Not that I’m saying our conversation was blah, just summing up, if you will). Apparently that answer was not sufficient. He dove further into where we would live, would new dad coach sports and would he get to call new dad “dad” or would he have to call him Mike or LeBron or whatever his name happens to be. What a fun conversation.

In reality, I can’t imagine how he must be feeling. What a fucking load of shit both of my boys have been dealt. I was lucky enough to grow up completely with both of my parents. No death. No divorce. Just normal, middle class, American upbringing. Navigating through this load of horse dung is not for the weak of heart, I can tell you that much. Your children will throw so many curve balls, you’ll be lucky if you make contact 1 out of every 30 balls thrown. My average is probably even lower than that. But we’re all trying together. I tried to talk to him rationally. We don’t know what the future looks like. Hopefully we will meet someone when the time is right. He may or may not be as into sports as we are (actually he will have to be or it just won’t work.), I think what you call him will be a personal decision between you and him. All the things I think I’m supposed to say. Who the fuck knows?!

Well, to make matters worse, funnier, even more screwed up than they already are, Jack has come up with a list of potential “dads” that he will allow to move into our lives and assume his new role. Rounding out number 1. Mike Trout. Yes, folks, Jack will allow Mike Trout to come into our lives to step into husband, father, best friend and baseball coach. You’re welcome Mr. Trout (Tom Ferguson, if you’re reading this, you’ve got some work to do 😉 !) Coming in at a close second is Bryce Harper (sorry about your wife and child) followed by Bruno Mars (ummm ok?!), Cody Bellinger, LeBron James (again with the wife and children…) and I threw in Jordy Nelson, Chris Hemsworth (sorry about your wife and children as well) and Cam Newton (hey, we could share a wardrobe) just for good measure. Go big or go home is apparently our motto around here.

So, to you potential suitors to the Jones brood, let me tell you a little bit about what you’ll be getting. Jack and Colt are 2 of the coolest kids I know. Jack is smart, kind hearted, handsome, athletic, funny, sarcastic, compassionate and more competitive than maybe even you. He’s quite stubborn, needs a lot of prodding to get going on any one thing but once he starts, he literally can’t be stopped. My wonderfully weird Mr. Tolt is also smart, affectionate, so loving, hilarious, emotional and really good with yard tools. He’s wildly independent, thinks he knows how do anything and everything and needs no guidance from anyone and is also quite stubborn (I believe that is a big family trait, no getting around that DNA). If I had to take a stab at what each boy would become when they get older I will say that Jack (if professional athlete happens to not work out haha! – this is where you could be super helpful Mr. Trout) will become an officer of the law whether it be a sheriff, detective, prosecutor or something similar. He is a rule follower (and enforcer) through and through. Colt, on the other hand, could careless what your rules are. He will create his own. Therefore I see him owing his own business, thereby making his own rules, in a very hands on, crafty way – landscaper, land grader – something with lots of dirt and lots of heavy machinery. They are great kids and any of you would be so lucky to have one shred of a part of their lives.

Me, on the other hand, I’m a harder sell. I’m 37, a widow with 2 fan-fucking-tastic kids, stretch marks, maybe a few pounds that need shedding (although I can run a consecutive 2 whole miles though, so will probably be unrecognizable within the year). But I’m also pretty damn funny, cute when I try to be, have the mouth of a sailor, love red wine, a good book and lots of sunshine. I, too, am stubborn, sarcastic to excess and have a hard time expressing how I feel with actual words. That you speak. I can write them down like a fucking champ, though!

In all seriousness, I don’t make light of this. Like any decent parent, I hate to see my children unhappy and suffering. I wish I had that magic wand to take all their pain away. But they, we, will persevere. And as all the bull shit sayings tell you, we will be better and stronger for it in the end.

Until then, we await your call, Mike. (Insert hysterical laughter here!)

Gratitude

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There is so much the boys and I have to be grateful for. We have a roof over our head, food in our bellies, we laugh every day and we love every day. That love and laughter probably wouldn’t come as easily if it weren’t for our beyond amazing (I really wish I had another word for amazing…) family and friends. You all are such a light for us. You keep us strong and able to put one foot in front of the other each and every day.

I’ll start with my parents. What can I say? There is no way I could ever repay you for all you do for us, all you have done for us – even before cancer and travel and death, you were always here to offer a helping hand, guidance and maybe a bit of constructive criticism to see how truly idiotic we were being. You take all my babies at a moment’s notice whenever life is too much for me, or I need a break or I decide dancing with my girlfriends is the way to get through any given night. You help me with so many household tasks that seem overwhelming to me. You make me meals, support my children in everything they do, even with the heaping dose of attitude on the side we seem to be getting these days. You all are everything to me and I could not do ANY of this without. You listen to our biggest complaints and our strongest fears. You always have the best advice (even when we don’t take it). You love me unconditionally even when you don’t understand me. You love my boys unconditionally and always try to guide them in the right direction. Thank you isn’t enough, but, for now, it’s all I have.

My brother and his wife. When Ash first died, my brother was here all day every day just to be that strong force for my boys to lean on. His wife didn’t get mad. She just let him be here. My boys went through a phase for a few weeks where they needed to call/Facetime Uncle G every night or they couldn’t go to bed. He always answered. He never got frustrated (even when both boys were just silent and making weird faces at him). He’s here for them all the time. He’s Uncle G, Coach G, Fun G and sometimes Disciplinary G! He loves my babies like they are his own. His wife gives him the time to really be here for my boys and for that I cannot be more grateful. Let’s face it, my boys need all the strong male help they can get! That is not my area of expertise.

Ash’s brother (and children). We haven’t always been the hugest part of each other’s lives but tragedy tends to bring people closer. He’s been here for my boys (and me) also. Helping coach, taking them to do fun things and always being able to make us laugh. They (who the fuck  are these “they” people) say laughter is the best medicine and it’s true. And you do that for us (with you/at you – what does it matter?!). In all seriousness, we appreciate you so much. You all are another force in our lives that we couldn’t do without.

My friends. Thank you for always including us in your families. You take us in, you feed us, you share stories with us, you give us your time. Time is our worst enemy right now. It tinkers by so slowly and you all must know that because you invite us into your lives to fill your time and fill our time. You answer all my crazy and slightly (maybe more than slightly) annoying texts, you help us when our power goes out, you let us invite ourselves over on family Sundays where I sit on my special perch and my boys ransack all your toys, you include us in family game nights and bowling nights and pizza night. You let us spend the night so that I can drink more wine than is necessary and we can be surrounded by your loving arms. You check on us all the time and you are always willing to help. You love the boys like they are your own. You show them patience when they are struggling. You don’t judge me when I’m having a bad day or break down and cry or curse like a sailor. You, too, love us unconditionally and let me say, that feeling is reciprocated. We are so fortunate for you, my friends. Thank you for doing life with us, tolerating us and making our lives a little brighter every day.

I’m also going to throw some gratitude at my dogs. Y’all annoy the shit out of me but thanks for always keeping me warm at night and thinking the sun rises and sets out of my ass.

Grief (and cancer and death) sucks. It sucks a little less if you’re surround by the best family and friends in the world. And we are.

Also, it looks like the sun is starting to come it. It’s a good day to have a good day.