Merry Christmas my friends! Hope your holiday is more magical than a jolly fat man flying around in a reindeer pulled sleigh!
I promise to get back on the blogging band wagon very soon! Since I’m certain you’ve missed it!!
Merry Christmas my friends! Hope your holiday is more magical than a jolly fat man flying around in a reindeer pulled sleigh!
I promise to get back on the blogging band wagon very soon! Since I’m certain you’ve missed it!!
Seriously y’all! Just made some bomb a$$ cookies! I’d share the recipe but it’s complicated and intricate and just, really only those advanced bakers should try it. I mean the details alone kept me busy most of the day!
Although I won’t be sharing this top secret recipe, I will show you the final product!
Y’all don’t be jealous of Mama and her mad skills!! xoxo
Hello party people. It’s me again. I’m back like backstreet only they’re not back. I think we’ve gone over this before. When we left off, I promised you a bean and beef Taquito recipe. And I will give it to you. Promise. But first I have a couple things to say. Shocking, I know!
So, first things first, my six-year-old got student of the month the very first month of school. Now let me tell you this, he certainly is not student of the month at home but it does feel good to know that what we teach him at home is actually sinking in I would assume. I don’t mean to sound offensive about Jack. It’s just at home he’s going through a shall we say asshole phase (may as well call a spade a spade). To be fair though, his dad and I are probably going through an asshole phase as well. You know how your kid is doing something and you’re watching it and it’s driving you nuts and you’re about to yell at him and all of a sudden BOOM! It hits you that he’s acting exactly like you. Pretty freaking annoying, isn’t it? I guess that’s just the way the cookie crumbles so to speak.
But anyway, back to student of the month, (not that I’m bragging or anything, (I totally am)) we are so proud of him and it is an amazing accomplishment. So we took him to his favorite restaurant to celebrate on Friday night. Restaurant meaning burger shack. They also serve custard. And I’d like to talk about custard for a minute. Holy slap your mama tasty. Custard is the shiznit! Now we were in line and I debated on whether or not I should go for the custard. I’m trying to lose weight. I’ve been doing the couch to 5K thing. I’m on week two I’m happy to report and I’ll get to more about that later. So I was trying to be good. However, they had pumpkin pie custard the night we went. And I try to tell Mr. wonderful that I wasn’t having any. As a matter fact we went through the line and I didn’t order any. Mr. wonderful got some kind of cookie sandwich hot fudge 5,000,000 calories in a bowl so I figured I would have a bite of his and that would satisfy my custard appetite. Well wouldn’t you know I failed again. Not only did my husband get up and get in line and order me some pumpkin pie custard, but he also added a scoop of vanilla to it and rainbow sprinkles. Yes I said rainbow sprinkles because I love rainbow sprinkles. I always have. I always will. And I am not ashamed. Holy moly double guacamole, was that shit good. It was worth every ridiculous calorie it had in it. Seriously. If you live in the area, it’s kill Devil custard and that pumpkin pie custard with vanilla custard was just really worth everything. It was so good I’m not even making sense right now. Heed my advice and go get some immediately before it runs out and before they shut down for the season. You’re welcome in advance.
Moving on to couch to 5K or whatever that nonsense is I’m trying to complete. Not that it’s nonsense. Actually I’m very much enjoying it. It goes by fast. So far the jogging isn’t too bad. And it makes my day just start way better than if I just slept in. I’m on week two. Just started it today. And I highly recommend it if you’re looking to get moving like my big fat booty needed to do. So since I’m doing all that jogging, you know like half a mile currently, it only makes sense that I carb load. I’ve already made dinner for tonight, high-five me. It’s a baked macaroni and cheese with bacon so really how can you go wrong. I’ve not tried it before and I am kind of combining a couple of recipes to make it something that I want and that my boys will eat. So pretty much double the cheese you know triple the noodles whatever, I’m just kidding (sorta)! I’ll let you know how it turns out. And give you the recipe. Carboloading is fun. For us half mile runners. Not unlike half marathon runners. Nearly the same thing in my opinion!
So now that you’ve read (you did read it, right?!) through all this boring bullshit I’ve put in your path, here is the much anticipated (in my egomaniacal mind) beef and bean taquito recipe!
Ingredients:
Vegetable oil
1 pound lean ground beef
1 can pinto beans, rinsed
1 onion halved and sliced thin
2 jalapeños, stand, seeded, and minced
3 garlic cloves, minced, or you could be like this mama and just use minced garlic
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp chili powder
1 8 oz can tomato sauce
1/2 cup water
3 tbsp minced fresh cilantro
Salt and pepper to taste
Corn tortillas
1 large egg, lightly beaten
Directions:
Brown hamburger, drain and set aside. In a separate bowl, mashed pinto beans with a masher. It really says with a masher. If you want to use a spoon, I won’t tell anybody. You do you boo.
Heat 1 tablespoon of oil over medium heat. Add onion and cook until softened and lightly browned. Stir in jalapeños, garlic, cumin and chili powder and cook until fragrant. Stir in tomato sauce, water, cilantro, half a teaspoon of salt half a teaspoon of pepper, drained beef and mashed beans. Cook, stirring often, until mixture has thickened and begins to sizzle, about 10 minutes. Now, this recipe didn’t call for it, but I also added about a cup of shredded Colby Jack cheese because mama don’t cook if cheese ain’t involved. My arteries love me. So if you want to add cheese, mix it in and stir until fully melted. Then transfer meat mixture to a separate form. And let cool for 20 minutes.
Wrap corn tortillas in a wet paper towel and microwave for approximately 1 to 2 minutes, depending on how many you use.
Brush the top edges of the corn tortillas with egg wash. Place desired meet him out in corn tortilla and roll tight.
Now, you could use a deep fryer if you have one, or just heat oil in a large skillet on the stove and fry them that way. I chose the skillet way because it seems less messy. So once you have your taquito all rolled, place them in hot oil and fry on each side for approximately five minutes.
Voila, you have taquitos. The recipe made a shit ton so I ended up by freezing a good bunch of them after we finished eating. Works out well because then you can just pull them out, especially during football season, pop ’em in the oven, probably on 400 for 15-20 minutes (totally pulled that out of my ass, I really have no clue) until they’re heated through and bon appétit, you have a snack.
So that’s it for today y’all. I’ll check back in and let you know how the bacon mac & cheese is, but really how could it be bad?! Bacon. Cheese. Win. xoxo
Raise your hand if you’ve missed me!! We’ve been busy. I’ve been cooking but I’m keeping it all to myself! Kidding. Kidding. I would never keep all this queen of the kitchen status I’ve got going on to myself. That would just be unfair. Ya heard?! (I don’t know why I do these things. Weird is as weird does I guess!!)
So. Glamping. Do you do it? Because you should. What’s that saying? Want to hate America, watch the news. Want to love America, go glamping. (Yes, I know it’s camping but Mama don’t sleep on the ground or without a fan!) We went glamping at an oceanfront KOA a couple weeks ago with a couple of other families (6 adults and 7 MALE children! Yikes!) and had an amazing time! There was the pool, the beach, the playground, the giant bouncy thingy (its official name obviously), the game room, the grilling, the fire, the smores, the laughter, the playing, the drinking, the eating and just generally the being merry. I’m telling y’all, it felt magical! We rented a “rustic” one room cabin (I like it when rustic means a/c AND a fan) that included a full size bed and bunk beds. Pretty durn perfect for a family of 4! Get out there and glamp y’all! Promise you won’t regret it. (I wonder if the KOA wants to pay me for all this awesome promoting and marketing I’m dishing out for them?!)
Anywho, cooking. I’ve tried 2 new recipes already this week and both were absolutely delicious! The first was a chicken and veggie teriyaki pasta and the other was beef and bean taquitos (which were a little more involved than mama likes but oh so yummy)!
First up the One Pot Teriyaki Chicken and Noodles (don’t be fooled, there’s not one drop of teriyaki in this dish. Go figure)
Ingredients:
2 tbsp oil
2 chicken breasts cut into chunks (I seasoned ’em with salt n pepa…the spices. Just to clarify)
1 cup shredded carrots
1 cup snap peas
1 chopped bell pepper (I used yellow coz it’s the 6 year olds favorite color therefore he will eat it. Coz 6 year olds)
1/2 cup soy sauce (I used reduced sodium)
2.5 cups chicken broth
1 box pronto half cut spaghetti (or, ya know, just break that shit yourself if you’re not as lazy as me)
1/4 cup honey (this was very disturbing to the 6 yr old)
2 tsp garlic (I used minced since the recipe didn’t specify)
1 tsp fresh ginger
1 tbsp white vinegar
2-3 sliced green onions (this is optional. We opted in and don’t regret it! 😜)
Directions:
1. Heat oil in large skillet (I used a large pot! Shhh! Don’t tell) over medium high heat. Add chicken, season with salt and pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until browned.
2. Add the carrots, peas and peppers and cook for 2 to 3 minutes until tender crisp (whatever that means)
3. Add the soy sauce, chicken broth, honey, garlic, ginger and vinegar and stir until combined. Stir in the noodles.
4. Bring back to a simmer over medium heat and cook, stirring occasionally, for about 10 minutes until Al dente (that’s fancy for not quite done, in mamas opinion anyway! Mama likes her noodles soft. Not in all things of course! Gross.)
In the future, I think I will add water chestnuts to this recipe. I missed the crunch that I like so much. Here’s what the finished product look like. Mama remembered to take a picture. Score!

As for the beef and bean taquitos, you’ll have to tune in tomorrow for that recipe. Or whenever I do it. Because we know mama aint so good at this. For some reason my computer has malfunctioned and I’ve had to do all of this on my iPhone and I’m done now. I cannot type on this thing any longer! 😱
So stay tuned friends. I’ll be back…xoxo
Say fuck that shit and make yourself a margarita with the non margarita ingredients you have on hand. Like patron, lemonade and limes. Keeping it classy as usual friends!
I am making a new recipe tonight (miracle of all miracles) but based on the tequila intake, I’m sure it will be shit! I’ll keep you posted. Hopefully. I wouldn’t hold your breath. Unless you’re like a dolphin. Then you might be ok.
xoxo
Is this true? I don’t know. But I’m not talking about the bad kind of cheating where you want to rip your spouse’s nads off for putting his tool in another chamber so to speak. I’m talking about cheating at making dinner. Coz as we all know, this mama loves a good dinner cheat! (Not a spousal cheat, this mama doesn’t love that! Duh!)
Anywho, on with the cheating. Hubby grilled steaks the other night. And they weren’t just any steaks. They were NY Strips about 3 inches thick. That’s a lot of beef for two people. Now, I don’t know about you, but reheating a steak and eating as a steak is not so good. I do not enjoy it. I find it a bit on the nasty side (no offence if you like it, to each her own and all that jazz). So, what does one do with a leftover slab of beef? I’ll tell you. You make steak quesadillas. That’s what you do. They’re easy. They’re delicious. They’re cheap. And did I mention they’re easy?!
I made these easy, delicious, cheap and easy cheater quesadillas last night. Everybody loved them and we didn’t waste all that delicious beef (coz it’s what’s for dinner!). All I did was cut up the remaining steak into little cubes/squares/whatever; throw it in a hot frying pan, cover with salsa (I used Pace thick and chunky coz I like my salsa like I like my body!!!!!); get it all nice and warm. Meanwhile, I have a big ole skillet I’m heating on medium-high heat. The trick with quesadillas, if you don’t have a quesadilla maker (which, what a waste of money, again in my opinion, which as we know are like assholes, moving on) is to make sure your pan is nice and hot before you put the quesadilla on it. So meat’s simmering in salsa, skillet is heating up…I like to use the big ole burrito sized flour tortillas, lay it on the counter, cover half with shredded cheese of your choosing (I used the 4 cheese Mexican blend, reduced fat, coz I really don’t like being thick and chunky…), cover the cheese with the meat, then added some shredded cheddar on top of the meat (coz, fuck it, maybe I’m meant to be thick and chunky) and really, you want your quesadilla a. cheesy and 2. to stay sealed/together/whathaveyou. So fill it with your ingredients (I like to sometimes add spinach, black beans rice and/or corn but mama didn’t have these supplies on hand so just simplicity last night), spray your super hot skillet with cooking spray and cook quesadillas on each side until browned and crisp. Last night I served them with a side of pinto beans and called it good.
Yummy stuff y’all! Great way to use any kind of leftover meat, really. It’s hard to go wrong with a Mexican dish in my opinion.
So, today is my 7 years of marital bliss with the hubby day. And of course, this mama ain’t cooking! I’m going to feed the kids early, put them to bed early and hubby is going to bring home some takeout and we’re going to eat child free, which is always a treat. This is actually the first year ever we haven’t gone on an actual date on our anniversary but hubby has to work late and I’ve used a lot of babysitting (ie my parents) lately and feel like they probably need a break! So, late night date night at home it is!
Until next time friends….xoxo

Are you seeing recurring theme here? Backstreet Boys first and now Britney. I know, I know. Stellar music choices. As well as stellar splotchy blogging. All I can say is, it’s summer time and the living is easy (and the cooking is nonexistent). We’ve been busy, beaching, boating, and boogeying (not really but it started with a B so I went with it).
We bought a boat. Not unlike the movie “We Bought a Zoo” except it’s a boat, no animals to care for and Matt Damon is definitely not here! I checked. It’s been super fun so far. It was my parents boat that we bought so we were familiar with it (in that, we’ve been on it, had several adult beverages on it, worked on my tan on it, that kind of thing). Turns out, you can learn how to launch, drive and take the boat out of water all on you tube. You can probably get a college degree on you tube at this point. Welcome to 2016. I can only imagine what the world will be like for my great grandchildren.
So, cooking, I did it last night. Sort of. I had spaghetti sauce in my freezer so I pulled that out in the morning. Then I went about my morning at the pool. It’s a rough life. A bunch of my family is in town this week and they rented a lovely house with a glorious pool that I’ve been slutting it up at the last few days and will continue to do so the next few days!
Anywho, I returned home in time (sort of) for Thing 2’s nap. So I put him down, boiled some penne paste to al dente perfection (in 10-12 minutes coz it said so on the box). I tossed the noodles with the sauce I had pulled in the morning as well as a block of cream cheese and some grated parmesan cheese. Then I put that shit in the fridge til it was time to bake, which I did for about 40 minutes on 350 degrees then topped with shredded mozzarella and continued cooking until the cheese melted. I served this concoction with some Italian bread and cut up cucumbers (that I grew myself) and cherry tomatoes (that I bought myself). Voila! It was simple. It was tasty. It was dinner.
Now, I can’t remember if I’ve given you my spaghetti sauce recipe (on account of alcohol consumption – kidding – sorta – no really – sorta!) so I’ll give it to you again just in case.
Ingredients:
1 lb lean ground beef
1 small onion
1 small green pepper
1 large can tomato sauce
1 large can tomato puree
2 tsps garlic powder
2 tsps chili powder
2 tsps oregano
Directions:
Saute green pepper, onions and ground beef (I do it all together coz I’m just that lazy!!). Mix with all the other ingredients in a large sauce pan. Now, the longer you let all these ingredients get to know each other, the yummier the sauce is going to taste so it’s nice to make the sauce early and let it simmer all day. Pretty simple and we like it.
So, until next time friends, (could be a day from now, a week from now, a month from now, hell could be a year from now) cook as little as possible and soak up as much vitamin D as possible. It’s good for the sol (see what I did there!!) xoxo
Kidding! Don’t get your hopes up. It’s just me. Recipe blogger extraordinaire. Only really bad at it. To be fair, I warned all of you time and time again of my suckiness.
Life has been busy. Obviously. Dad was sick. Baseball season happened. Kindergarten ended. Vacations were had. Fireworks exploded. And today I have a moment of peace while the baby (toddler) naps and the 6 year old plays with Legos. So I decided to drop in and say hello.
Don’t worry. I have been feeding my family. They have not starved to death. However, the cooking hasn’t been good. The recipes haven’t been tried. The blog hasn’t been written. But I’m going to start up again. Tomorrow. (Are you seeing a trend here?!) I swear though. I am cooking tonight – one pot chicken alfredo – but I’ve already shared that recipe with you. It’s a good one if you haven’t tried it. And it’s super easy!!
So my dad – in case you’re wondering – is the luckiest man alive and we are the luckiest family alive. He has made a full recovery and is doing so well. My heart is bursting with happiness for him, for my kids, for my mom, for my brother and for me. We need him in our lives and the good Lord above granted us that wish.
My big boy had an amazing year in baseball. If you recall, he struggled at the start with the pitching machine. Well, I don’t mean to brag or anything (yes I do!!) but he started the year earning the game ball and ended the year earning the game ball – with a home run and a GRAND SLAM. Yes folks, my 6 year old hit a grand slam. Unfortunately they lost, but still. That’s pretty damn amazing!!!
He also graduated kindergarten and while I thought I was one of those tough moms that wants her children to grow and prosper, I found myself crying and sad for how fast life is moving.
The toddler is exactly as you’d expect a budding 2 year old to be. Cuter than hell. Rottener than a 2 month old tomato!
I believe when we left off, I was starting a 10 day shred to help lose some weight. I’m happy to report, I shed 13 pounds. I’m unhappy to report, I’ve gained 33. Ok, that’s not quite accurate but the weight loss has been a struggle. Has nothing to do with the fact that I’ve been drinking like a fish and eating like a pig. Just call me fig or a pish – your call!!!
So, that’s where the Jones’s are at right now. I’ll check back in later in the week. When I actually cook something new! xoxo
No, I’m not a rancher but I do love ranch dressing. For real. I’m one of those people that wait staff hate because I ask for ranch dressing on the side for pretty much everything. (I’m certain this little addiction has NOTHING to do with the size of my ass. And thighs. And belly. And, you know what, just mind your own damn business!)
So why all the talk about ranch you ask? Coz last night I managed to make dinner. Ranch chicken, which I’ll share that so easy my 19 month old could do it recipe with you in just a bit. But first I want to talk about earth day. Why you ask? Because my kindergartener had an earth day party today.
Yes folks. An earth day party. Apparently that’s a thing in kindergarten in these parts. Now, I’ve heard of planting a tree at school, or cleaning up the nature trail or doing something actually earthy in nature for earth. But never, in my almost 34 years, have a seen anyone throw an actual earth day party. First time for everything I guess. (Side note, I just got up to blow my nose in the middle of a sentence because mama’s got a nasty cold and completely forgot where I was going with this. Yay me. Awesome as usual!) Anyway, I was in charge of the drinks. So I brought in a big jug of red dye no 4. You’re welcome parents. Happy to make you so happy!!! The kids got some pretzel sticks, chocolate pudding and gummy worms. Oh and 1 strawberry each. What the hell any of that had to do with earth day is beyond me. But it got me thinking. Maybe I should have an earth day celebration. Everybody bring a plant for my garden (and plant that shit too – I hate yard work) and I’ll provide you with an earthy mojito or 6 (earthy because of the mint, which is a plant, which is earthy – we’ve come full circle). Who wants to come? I think it could be fun. (Of course, I’ll have to keep having them every week so that y’all can maintain the plants that you’ve planted. Otherwise they gonna get sick and die. Coz mama’s thumb ain’t even close to green!) RSVP in the comments below. I’m thinking Saturday afternoon!
So, ranch chicken. Super easy. Super tasty. Super super super kid friendly. I served it last night with green beans, biscuits and rice. So here goes:
Ingredients: (this is another one of those meals where I’m just winging)
thin sliced chicken breasts (if you can’t find them, you could just pound out (oh yeah!) regular chicken breast but you know this mama ain’t got the time or want for that)
Hidden valley ranch dressing (this is very important – you want this particular brand for the nice tang it provides)
Italian style bread crumbs (I use regular and panko cause I like that little crunch the panko provides)
Directions:
Fully coat the chicken boobies (that’s slang for breasts) in ranch dressing followed by the bread crumbs. Bake on 350 for 25-30 minutes (depending on how thick your meat is – I could go so many places with that but I’ll spare you!!). That’s it y’all. It’s tasty. It’s easy. It’s a winner.
Now, if you yourself are the ranch enthusiasts that we in this family are, then please know that I also make a batch of homemade ranch and use it to dip the chicken in. Coz that’s how we roll (literally coz our asses are so big from all the ranch consumption!!) Kidding.
Tonight I’m cheating yet again. Move over Sandra Lee. There’s a new barely homemade girl in town!! I like the Harris Teeter pre-made turkey meatballs. Throw them in with some good marinara, put on a toasted hoagie, melt cheese on top – voila meatball subs!
Next week I’m starting a 10 day shred to lose some of this ranch dressing off all my wobbly bits! This entails no gluten, no dairy, no caffeine, no alcohol, no patience, no happiness. I’ll keep you posted on that progress. Hopefully the children survive. The hubby probably won’t!!!!!
Y’all take it easy. RSVP to the earth day party. And each subsequent week! Haha!!! xoxo
One more thing…if anybody wants to buy me a new computer, I’ll gladly accept it. I’d prefer a mac desktop with the big screen. This laptop I got now is a piece of shit! I inadvertently deleted this blog post TWICE people and had to rewrite it. So I was probably way smarter and cleverer 2 times ago!!
Who missed me? I know what you’re thinking! Worst. Blogger. Ever. And you’d be right. Just so you know, my family hasn’t starved to death. Nor have we given up eating. But remember all those meals I told you that you could stick in the freezer and have them later for an easy, tasty dinner? Well, guess what? We’ve had a good bunch of those meals lately and my freezer needs to be restocked. Any takers??? Didn’t think so.
So what have I been doing, you ask? (Ok, you probably didn’t ask, but why read this if you don’t want to know? Am I right or am I right?) I think mostly we’ve been watching the 6 year old play baseball. And proud mama moment here – my 6 year old had his first pitch-league game last Friday night (at 7:15 mind you – I had to pay a babysitter to come watch my baby for 3 hours YES 3 HOURS, coz ain’t no way mama can handle Colt outside next to the highway past his bed time or really anytime for that matter but that’s beside the point..) so back to the point, first game, pitching machine, my boy played catcher because he wants to do everything just like his Uncle G (my brother who was a phenomenal baseball player growing up – also a catcher if you didn’t pick up on that) and did a freaking fantastic job and was 2 for 2 at the plate. Well, for all that grand effort, Jack earned the game ball, which is like MVP for the team. At 6 years old. On a 6-8 year old team. How cool is that? It brings me to tears, I tell ya! So proud of him. Ok, bragging over.
I got nothing new to report on Colt other than we met a friend for lunch today, and he turned up a cup of ranch dressing and drank it. Seriously. I have pictures to prove it if you don’t believe me. That kid is a mess. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with him. But he sure is entertaining (I like to claim he gets it from me – I won Most Entertaining to Be Around circa 1994 – pretty big accomplishment – contact my agent for autographs!!!) He’s also into twirling around until he gets dizzy and falling over and eating everything in sight all day long except when he’s napping. All things I believe he probably gets from dear ole mama!!! I’m really talking myself up here, aren’t I? And you thought the bragging was over…
So, you probably wish I’d get onto what’s for dinner tonight because you’re probably assuming if I’m writing the blog (miracle of all miracles) that must mean I’m actually going to cook something and you’d be absolutely right my intuitive friends. Tonight’s meal is courtesy of the crock pot so you know it’s easy. And this one is actually good. I have a hard time with a lot of crock pot meals because I generally overcook them, I guess, and the meat turns to dust in your mouth. But not tonight’s. I’m doing crock pot French dips and everyone in my house enjoys the hell out of them (although, I wouldn’t consider Colt’s opinion, really, he eats everything – including the dogs food and milkbones. So, he’s not a really reliable source at this point!) So, without further ado, here you go!
Ingredients:
2-3 lb chuck roast (or whatever kind of roast you prefer)
1 can French onion soup
1 can beef broth
1 can beef consumme
Worcestershire to taste
Season salt and pepper to taste
1 tsp minced garlic
Sub rolls
Mozzarella cheese (that’s my preference – you mix it up however you like – Yeah!! TI just popped into my head)
Directions:
Season meat to taste with season salt and pepper. Cut into large chunks and place into crock pot. Cover with soup, broth, consumme, Worcestershire and minced garlic and stir to mix. Cook on low for 8 hours. Shred meat. I like to butter my sub rolls, put meat on to your liking, cover with cheese and broil for a few minutes, until cheese is bubbly and bread is crispy. Use the sauce from the crock pot for dipping and bon appetite! Pretty good stuff, y’all!!
I’ll try to do a little more cooking now that life is returning to semi-normal. Real estate class ends tonight, baseball practice is only once a week now that games have started, and my dad is on the mend. Woo hoo!! Probably won’t be cooking tomorrow night though coz baseball practice, then another 7:15 Friday night game so not sure about cooking then either. Maybe Saturday. Definitely Sunday. Until then….xoxo