I just had a really great weekend. We had friends come into town on Thursday and stay with us through today. And we had the best time. Beautiful beach days, delicious food, fishing, crabbing, excessive laughter and perhaps a little too much in the way of alcohol. Was having 5 children aged 11 and under staying in my less than large house perhaps a touch challenging at times? Of course! But it was mostly just fun, albeit a little loud!

Colt caught his first fish this weekend with my friend’s husband. Using Nature’s Own butter bread as bait if you can believe it (the bait of champions if you ask me). And he was so proud and elatedly (is that even a word?) happy. I texted and called anyone who would care to listen and even those that didn’t give a shit but I told them anyway. Because my baby finally got his first fish and if you know anything about my Mr. Tolt, it’s that he’s been waiting a long damn time for that first fish. He is OBSESSED with all things outdoors and fishing and he is a natural when it comes to all things outdoors, although still working on mastering fishing. Side note – in all the excitement, a photo was not taken. Oops.

He also mastered crabbing this weekend – I think he got the most out of anyone but that’s not a surprise because he just has the touch, not to mention the patience and concentration, to get it done. Do you know what was missing from his huge moments though? Of course you do, but I’m going to say it anyway. His dad.

And it’s moments like those, the big accomplishments, where we feel it the most. I can’t help but cry. And they’re not just tears of sadness. Certainly there are plenty of those. But they are tears of joy, too, because my babies are doing it. They are pursuing what they love, they are trying new things and they are getting it fucking done. And they are so good. So, so good.

It makes me constantly wonder – how did we get so fortunate and how did we get so unfortunate? I guess that’s just life. And I’m really feeling that life hangover today. Let it be known, because I’m nothing if not honest, I am sitting in the middle of a parking lot, in Chesapeake, VA, typing this, having a bit of a cry, listening to Jack Johnson while Jack (not Johnson) practices baseball indoors (where I’m not allowed) and it’s more than a little pathetic. But I’m ok with that. Because sometimes we all need to be a little pathetic. And I just fucking miss the father of my children.

Great things happen in life and we fly high. Shitty things happen in life and we come down. All the time. It keeps us humble, it keeps us pushing harder and working harder, and it helps us to find strength through the pain.

I’m grateful to my family. I’m grateful to my friends, the old and the new. And I’m more than grateful to my boys, the 2 greatest fucking things I’ve ever done and will ever do. Hell, I’ll even be grateful to Ash even though he left me, the asshole. But without him, none of the rest of it would be possible. So, there’s that.