My husband is dead. He was my person. He knew me better than anyone and I knew him better than anyone. The father of my *very young* children is dead. We will grieve the way that is the most healing for my children and for me. Nobody has any right to judge that. My feelings are real. My words are honest. If you don’t fucking like it, don’t fucking read it. You do not know me. You cannot be shocked by anything I say because YOU DO NOT KNOW ME.

Here are all the things you don’t know:

1. How I feel at any given minute on any given day.
2. How my children feel at any given minute on any given day.
3. My heart
4. My children’s heart
5. My soul
6. My children’s soul
7. My relationship with my husband
8. My childrens’ relationship with their father
9. The ins and outs of any part of our lives pre-cancer
10. The ins and outs of any part of our lives post-cancer

YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT US. Keep your judgements to yourselves. Keep your passive aggressive cuts to yourselves. That is the LAST THING that we need in our lives right now. Our grieving and our healing and MY WORDS are exactly that, MINE.

Because my husband is dead. And I will write whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want and if you don’t like it, don’t fucking read it.